imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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