My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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