I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
