the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
