Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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