woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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