Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
