So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
