If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
