I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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