Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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