what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
