I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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