I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
