I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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