Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
zippers are such a cool invention
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
