it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
