i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
