I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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