I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The power of my boobs compel you
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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