my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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