when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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