we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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