I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize