you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
