I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
