Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
