It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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