a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
