this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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