rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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