i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
