Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
