This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
