How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
