it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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