Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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