Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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