tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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