Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
