I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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