Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
