I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
