After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
