There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
