my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
