take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
