I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.