Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.

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  (717): Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up. http://tfl.nu/3bej
  Replies (33) Good night (4575) Bad night (1617)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.

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  (630): Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now. http://tfl.nu/6k12
  Replies (12) Good night (4178) Bad night (863)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You're 20.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

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  (734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt
  Replies (149) Good night (11706) Bad night (2357)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

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  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
  Replies (30) Good night (1945) Bad night (5965)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

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  (515): I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that" http://tfl.nu/9edj
  Replies (15) Good night (6337) Bad night (1207)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  thanks for singing to me while i puked last night

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  (484): thanks for singing to me while i puked last night http://tfl.nu/ey2e
  Replies (9) Good night (5632) Bad night (1042)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.

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  (210): no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here. http://tfl.nu/1kwe
  Replies (8) Good night (1464) Bad night (3809)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.

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  (724): It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me. http://tfl.nu/9spl
  Replies (7) Good night (3894) Bad night (842)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.

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  (484): walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad. http://tfl.nu/s89m
  Replies (8) Good night (3858) Bad night (1027)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.

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  (425): He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that. http://tfl.nu/0n60
  Replies (9) Good night (3017) Bad night (979)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob

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  (440): I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob http://tfl.nu/pg2m
  Replies (13) Good night (2864) Bad night (729)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls

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  (406): My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls http://tfl.nu/ydwq
  Replies (5) Good night (806) Bad night (900)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  ITS ORAL SEX CAROL

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  (651): My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means (651): ITS ORAL SEX CAROL http://tfl.nu/ccj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1507) Bad night (504)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.

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  (419): Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people. http://tfl.nu/d5z4
  Replies (1) Good night (590) Bad night (346)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken

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  (954): I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken http://tfl.nu/ui33
  Replies (2) Good night (642) Bad night (236)

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