Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Enjoy the penises
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.