Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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