is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!