two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.