I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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