i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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