3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
