Ambien. No doubt about it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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