She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
