the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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