Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize