I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
