even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
