Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
