i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
