I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
