Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
