I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wish there were birth control emojis
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
