Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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