"it" just moved
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
