pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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