i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
