But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
