either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm just crazy horny about you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
