Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
