meet me or not, i'm out of control
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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