is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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