Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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