I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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