You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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