there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Houston, we have a blender
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
